What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
