You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
