Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I AM VODKA MAN
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
