I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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