dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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