i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
