smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
