I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
