what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
