And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
