Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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