I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
