i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
