dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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