guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
My penis needs a shock collar
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
