Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
We were destined to go to rehab together
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Ladies don't puke and tell
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
