My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
