My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
