My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
