Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
