we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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