i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
