I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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