I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
