i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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