Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
