it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
