i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Randomize
