Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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