I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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