i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
