thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
