Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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