My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
