Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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