therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
