Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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