so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
