If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
