Can Purell be used as lube?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
