youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
