I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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