my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
