We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
