I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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