There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
im drinking this country out of the recession.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
