Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
