I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
