Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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