i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I touched a dick in church today
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
